Hello …. How are you today?

Have you ever been told…“You are too sensitive, nobody can tell you anything”. “Your life’s chaos, no wonder you lose everything”. “You’re overweight/skinny, do something if you want to have a partner”. “This child’s restless, are you sure he doesn't have ADHD?” “Are you anxious again, really?”

How do we usually respond to that?

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My experience

These phrases are heard repeatedly, and unfortunately, they’re always fashionable. When I was a young girl, I was one of the many young children who were told “are you crying again? Come on, it's not so bad” (This was said with seriously fed up and concerned faces). The truth is that making the passage to adolescence made me extremely vulnerable. I didn't understand that my emotions were the result of making the transition from being a child to a teenager. I didn’t understand that my hormones were changing. I didn't understand my new world. My friends and I suddenly stopped playing to become a little more daring and a little more adult-like. My sensitivity was at an all-time high and I sometimes cried at the slightest comment or attitude that hurt me. I can still see myself vividly sobbing on my own and in silence. My mother, however, always noticed that and when that happened, the interrogation began.

Anyone looking at me from the outside might have thought I had it all – a closely knit family, many friends, good grades, affection in the circles where I moved, and material well-being – but inside, I felt a revolution that made me anxious and which I didn’t understand. As a result, I felt inadequate and different from the rest. I felt I had no right to feel so sensitive. As a side note, some years later, talking about this with my friends I found out that I wasn't the only one. Anyway, all the above was enough reason for my teenage me to avoid opening up when my mum asked me why I was crying. I dreaded disappointing others and being rejected so, I began to hide my vulnerability and put it under the rug. I held my chin up and smiled for the outside world.

The message behind the phrases

Behind every phrase I mentioned at the very beginning, there’s a subliminal message that shames, repudiates and disempowers the one who’s told that. They sound like this: "get rid of all that, it's exhausting, get over it".

“IT COMES AS NO SURPRISE THAT IN A SYSTEM SO LACKING IN EMOTIONAL INTELLIGENCE AND/OR EMPATHY, WE END UP CONVINCING OURSELVES THAT WE ARE BROKEN AND THAT SOMETHING IS WRONG WITH US”

Georgina Hudson

How do we usually respond to that? Blaming and shaming ourselves. After all, that is safer and easier than accepting that our vulnerability and sensitivity aren’t accepted by our closest circle.

Even the most well intentioned caregivers may have pushed us to hide what we felt. We might also have hidden our emotions ourselves when we compared ourselves with our environment. And unfortunately, all those exquisite feelings ended up being neglected. We have self-imposed parameters that we have bought from culture, which sells us that only by being happy 24/7 or having this or that attitude or thing, we’ll be able to be successful. There’s also something pervasive in our lives and it’s our internal narrative. This is based on our painful childhood and / or adolescence: "I’m not good enough for this", “people will not like me for who I am”. Nevertheless, it’s time we stood up for ourselves and integrated all our pieces, which is only possible from a place of deep self-compassion and not from self-rejection.

Let’s work 🚧

The work on oneself begins by pausing and silencing the voices of shame from outside and inside, accepting everything that belongs to us, and becoming accountable for what’s going on. We need to open our eyes to tend to the parts that need our acknowledgement. We can certainly re-parent ourselves as we wish the adults in our lives had when we were young. This reminds me of all the times my children come home feeling overwhelmed. I can’t ask them to get over their feelings and calm down at that moment. I can only offer them my heart and my conscious presence. I can embrace them and wait. Only then can they come out of the trance and begin to express themselves by crying and/or talking, and from that place, we begin to dig into their experience in order for them to heal.

The work on oneself isn’t always fun and calm, we have to be very brave and persistent but the reward is always joyful.

There’s a universe that wants to be revealed through us but it will only whisper its answers when we’re open and gentle towards ourselves.

At the core of our being, we’ll find what’s been silenced and forgotten along with our greatest wisdom and creativity. Only when we dare to assist and reorganize all those pieces with loving kindness can we shine brightly from the inside out. From that loving place, we can take the necessary actions to achieve our goals from an inspired place.

What are the concrete stages of the work on ourselves that we can do?

1. Recognizing what is happening to us

2. Accepting our emotions without judging ourselves

3. Doing the work on ourselves (layer by layer)

4. Seeking to quiet the mind in the process

5. Taking care of our body (rest, nutrition and appropriate exercise)

6. Being grateful (think of all the reasons you have to be thankful and savour that gratitude)

I hope you liked this post. If you know anyone who can benefit from this, forward it to them and invite them to subscribe.

A big hug ❤