Hello …. How are you today?

Last Thursday was Thanksgiving in some parts of the world.

I must say I’ve started to ask myself how many times we pause to say thank you during the year. We rarely do it, right?

We stubbornly focus on what we don't want and what we don't have, but we seldom devote our energy to what we do like and what we already enjoy. Mind you, if we lose what we take for granted, we do notice it, a lot!

It’s important to train ourselves to be grateful.

You can listen to the podcast with this player, or if you prefer reading you have a written version below. Enjoy it!

We stubbornly focus on what we don't want and what we don't have, but we seldom devote our energy to what we do like and what we already enjoy. We don’t stop to smell the flowers or to look at the sky. We move so fast that we don’t notice the divine in someone else's smile. We even forget to appreciate our living hearts. Neuroscientist Ph.D. Rick Hanson tells us that the brain is like Teflon for good experiences and like Velcro for bad experiences. Our brain doesn’t do that to ruin our lives but to protect us. It scans reality looking for danger in order to avoid it because its function is to keep us alive. That's why we get hooked on what we don't like (a boss who looked at us in a different way, a son who cried all night, a lover who forgot an anniversary) and what we do like (a boss who appreciates us, a son who grows up healthily, a lover who cooks something delicious for us) goes unnoticed. Mind you, if we lose what we take for granted, we do notice it, a lot!

Gratitude and Neurosciences

It’s important to train ourselves to be grateful. In the research study called "Neural correlations of gratitude" conducted by Dr. Robert A. Emmons of the University of California, he proved that the attitude of being thankful “produces important positive results: satisfaction, vitality, happiness, self-esteem, optimism, hope, empathy, and a desire to offer tangible and emotional support to others”. Living gratefully helps us to get in touch with the present moment, with the warmth that the soul experiences when someone does us a favor or when we experience well-being thanks to another person, even if they don’t know it. I think of the people who clean my city or the security guard in my building who makes me feel relaxed when my children play outside. And doesn’t it feel good when someone says thank you to us? That moves us to contribute to others and to do our bit to help them. Gratitude makes us more aware, more lucid, and more connected to something bigger than ourselves. Brother David Steindl-Rast, Benedictine monk, committed to the dialogue between spirituality and science, says something wonderful:

“It is not happiness that makes us grateful; it is gratitude that makes us happy. We all know quite a number of people who have everything that it would take to be happy and they're not happy because they want something else or they want more of the same. And we all know people who have lots of misfortunes and they are deeply happy, they radiate happiness. Why? Because they're grateful”.

Brother David Steindl-Rast

Gratitude in my family

I’ve told you countless times that I grew up in a family of serial worriers. We had all the things that are supposed to contribute to someone’s inner peace: financial stability, health, strong family ties, a home of our own, vacations, and friends.

However, there was no room to count our blessings because worrying was our default reaction to everything. We were worried about our long to do lists and to do everything well, we were concerned about our health and preferably being slim. We worried about being socially accepted and the list goes on and on. I vividly remember overhearing my parents murmur things that made them nervous, from something that had broken at home to the country's politics and economy, which could jeopardize different aspects of our lives. There is no room for gratitude when one feels hyper vigilant. It’s very difficult to experience well-being when our basic motivation to do things stems from fear or worry. I had to learn to rewire myself to live from the inside out, to contemplate my experience and appreciate it in all its colors.

“Stop, Look, Go”

A very effective and simple tool that Brother David Steindl-Rast teaches us is:

1. Stop. This alone is a quite valuable practice. We live in a culture that is all productivity, rush and noise. Can we take a moment and be still? What benefits might we experience if we do? In Steindl-Rast’s words, we need to create “stop signs” in our lives that create a pause and be still.

2. Look. Be curious about your own experience in this moment. What do you see? Hear? Feel? For what can you experience a sense of gratitude?

3. Go. What seed for action is this moment offering you? Living is an art that you create as you go. How can you make it beautiful for yourself? For others? Ask yourself these questions and wait patiently for an answer. When you get one, do it, act on the insight that comes from your own intuition and reflection.

This is a simple and easy mindfulness exercise. Living gratefully also motivates us to be better versions of ourselves.

Neurosciences again

According to extensive research from the University of California, Riverside (here) gratitude is an inspiring emotion that prompts an individual to act positively. The researchers concluded that being grateful not only improves oneself but also one’s communities. Gratitude favors:

1. Connection: feeling grateful forces us to reflect on our relationships and leads us to be closer and more connected to others.

2. Elevation: a word scientists use to refer to the uplifting feeling we feel when we see other people perform acts of kindness that inspire us to do the same.

3. Humility: When we express gratitude, we take the focus away from ourselves. We recognize how other people have made our situation better.

4. Indebtness: when someone helps us, we usually feel not only grateful but also indebted to that person and therefore, we feel the responsibility to pay them back.

I love this research because it shows us how being grateful not only helps us on a personal level but also makes us better citizens of the world.

Let’s practice gratitude

Let me invite you to review your lives from the smallest to the largest aspects. You might experience something similar to me but every morning I appreciate the smell of my coffee and hot toast from my breakfast. I love that time of day, I'd say it's my favorite food. The same thing happens to me when I walk to the university where I teach listening to my favorite podcasts. I’m grateful for the path I take, which is really lovely, and for the audios that I listen that nurture me at all levels. I also like having small gestures of gratitude with those who love and take care of my family. And the newest thing I’ve learned is to feel comfortable when someone says "thank you" to me. Do you know what I mean? I’m referring to not knowing what to say back and coming up with something like, “it was nothing” or “it was simple” etc. Instead now I say, "I’m happy I could help" or I just smile looking into my interlocutor’s eyes and try to let that beautiful feeling sink in. Therefore, training ourselves to be filled with gratitude helps us to vibrate high, to see life with an eagle’s eye, and to align ourselves with our well-being.

Hope you enjoyed this post. If you know someone who might benefit from it, forward this to them and invite them to subscribe. In this way, we’re helping each plus, as I was told recently, it also makes it easier for others to find this blog / podcast. In this post’s spirit, thank you for being there and for spreading the word. Remember that these are also available on Apple Podcasts and Spotify.

A big hug ❤