Hello ….how are you today?

Today I´d like to share with you what I usually experience during this time of the year. For starters, I like the decorations, the lights, the markets, the Christmas carols, the shop windows and the Christmas movies. On the other hand, I have to admit that by mid-December, I start to feel a lot of pressure.

🤔Is it only me or are there many people who feel uneasy about the Holidays?🎄🎅🏻

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On a deeper level I have all sorts of mixed feelings. On the one hand, I yearn to live the Holidays with a spirit of reflection and to create a special environment at home that is welcoming for my children, my family and friends. On the other hand, I have to admit that by mid-December, I start to feel a lot of pressure. I can't stand running around to get everything done. I have to admit something as trivial as never organizing very well with the gifts, for example. I always end up shopping a few days before Christmas when the streets are packed with people. The feeling of overwhelm and nonsense in all that has always been very uncomfortable.

Rebelde Way

I don't know when I started rejecting the Holidays but for a long time I stood on the renegades side. I think it all started in my adolescence because I lost the hope I felt as a girl when I believed in the magic of Santa and the three Kings. I remember feeling some anxiety and uneasiness when I had to pretend liking the Holidays. My mother, may she rest in peace, was always my total opposite in that sense. She loved the big family gatherings, the details on the table and walls, the Christmas tree and her huge crib. She prepared with a lot of time. She saw to the menu, the guests, the presents, and a long to-do list that puzzled me. It makes me so sad to think about it because while she worked hard to make everyone feel comfortable and welcome, I complained and told her that the Holidays were about something else. I insisted that she was moving away from the true sense of this time of the year. I now wonder who gave me the authority to put myself in the judge's role. My poor mother was defeated between my father, who never did much, and her children, who couldn't care less about what she loved so much. Looking back, I honestly think that I projected on my mother the disappointment I felt for not living the Holidays with the hope and joy that she did.

Today

This year I think differently. I hope that everyone does what they want from the heart. I honestly regret having pointed a finger at those who spent the Holidays in a brighter or noisier way than my minimal style. As I mentioned before, behind my rejection, I was grieving because I’d lost the innocence I felt as a child. Moreover, if I dig up deeper, I find some late rebellion in response to my feeling inadequate for being "very sensitive." During my teens, my parents worried because I used to go through life feeling everything viscerally. As a result, I swallowed the discomfort I felt at the Holidays because I didn’t want to be a burden for them and I somehow wanted to respect their feelings about the situation. Believe it or not, it wasn’t until my last trip to Madrid this year that I fell apart (in a good sense) When I saw the endless streets lit up for Christmas, the people gathered to celebrate in advance, the joy overflowing in every corner, I was reminded of my mother and that she wanted the same for us. I also felt the collective embrace of being in this together. After all, behind all that happiness, there must be many who spend Christmas with mixed feelings. It is a bit like the yin and yang. On the one hand, there’s the beautiful dazzling part. On the other, there’s the inevitable awareness of the passage of time, of how quickly things come and go, the yearly balance, the people who are gone, and so many other challenges more.

Let’s Flow… and celebrate with intention

It isn’t a time for much analysis but to make room for all our emotions. The invitation is to flow with our feelings as a whole without resisting what we don’t like and savouring what we do. And you know what else? We have the chance to spend these Holidays with healthy intention. If you're going to purposefully celebrate with all your relatives and to eat and laugh out loud, great. If your intention is to spend the Holidays more intimately with your closest ones, go ahead, and enjoy. There is well-being in everything as long as we have our senses and our hearts wide open. I hope that we’re truly present these Holidays. The title of this post is whether you love or reject them. I’ve decided not to position myself in one place or the other. My father has come to visit us. I can foresee that it will be hard to spend Christmas and New Year with him and without my mother. My intention is not to cover that pain, and in turn, to open my soul to enjoy the gratitude I feel for my family and friends. I also want to share the joy my children feel during these days. They truly find this season fascinating. I also hope that we can pause between all the hustle and bustle. Let me share with you a few words by Tara Brach that are ideal for the occasion:

“When we’re speeding along, we violate our own natural rhythms in a way that prevents us from listening to our inner life and being in a resonant field with others. We get tight. We get small. We override our capacity to appreciate beauty, to celebrate, to serve from the heart”

Tara Brach

There are still a few days left, but let's start preparing a space within us to live these Holidays with kindness.

Next week, I’ll offer you a meditation to enter the Holidays mindfully.

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A big hug ❤