My son is a preadolescent. I’ve painfully started to see the disappointment in his face when he doesn’t feel understood by my husband or me. I’ve also started to witness the anger on his tight lips with some family interactions. And in spite of all those new reactions, my son’s very collected. He’s forged his unique personality in a world where success, high achievers, extroversion and being “in” are highly valued. How many times did I wonder what adolescence would be like for him with his very sensitive personality? But my son stood firm as the reed, which bends but doesn’t break. He’s calm, zero-competitive, fair-minded, and most of the time, he’s responsive and not reactive.

Today, I’m witnessing his process of individuation. Jung defines this as the ongoing process through which a person achieves a sense of individuality separate from the identities of others and begins to consciously exist as a human in the world.

I look at my son and I admire his strength, I love it when we cuddle and stay together in silence. I sometimes unconsciously try to make him see the world the way I do but he takes a deep breath and explains, “Mom, wait, wait, what I want to tell you is…”

This transition from his childhood to his adolescence impacts all of us as a family system. We need to learn to let go of the child that he was and make room for this beautiful, young man. As parents we also need to let go of who we used to be when we were parenting a child and become mindful of this pre-adolescent who demands to be heard and respected. 

We’ve always acknowledged my son’s needs and we’ve lovingly accepted them as much as  we could. When necessary, with his permission and together, we’ve vetted the root causes of his pain and the turmoil of his inner world. Nourishing his free spirit and sensitive soul has been a challenging journey that took many years. We’re glad to see how he’s turning into this confident, empathic, adolescent who now rises for his rights. It’s been a ride, true, but one that’s been worth taking with respect and healthy support . Proud mom ❤️