Hello ….how are you today?

I hope that the first part of this blog / podcast helped you understand yourself better. The 6 Human Needs developed by Tony Robbins aren’t simple wishes and desires but deep rooted needs that serve as the basis for our behavior and choices.

Today we are going to delve into the rest of the 6 human needs. These are:

4. Love / connection

5. Growth

6. Contribution

You can listen to the podcast with this player, or if you prefer reading you have a written version below. Enjoy it!

4. Love / Connection

Let’s start with the fourth then, which is the need for love / connection. We ALL need both. Human beings need to feel loved, to love, and to connect to others. In our families, with our friends, at school, at work, with our partners, we all crave that love and that connection. We are born to live in communities and to feel that we belong to them. Feeling loved and appreciated even raises our well-being hormones such as oxytocin and dopamine. For all the aforementioned is key for children to grow up in systems where they feel safe, seen, and cared for. This core need is manifested in the way we relate to others from a place of love, kindness and generosity. People with a high dose of this need tend to be loyal, trustworthy, and even altruistic.

The problem with taking this need to an extreme is that people might stop caring for themselves because they’re too busy caring for others. This comes at a great emotional and physical cost since carrying the weight of everyone’s wellbeing is exhausting. This need might also morph into the urge to please others while being unable to express one’s desires and boundaries. In addition, people who tend to give their best unreservedly might feel disappointed when their behavior isn’t reciprocal. Taken to its furthest extreme, this need might serve as emotional blackmail. Think of phrases like, "I love you with all my heart, I take care of you all the time, I give you everything, and you aren’t capable of doing me a small favor"

The idea would be to strike a happy balance between the love that we offer to others and the love that we offer to ourselves. It’s crucial to be able to take care of our energy without having to isolate ourselves. Last but not least, cultivating deep and honest relationships with others will always have a healing effect for us.

5. Growth

The fifth is our need for growth. This need is related to wanting to learn and improve. Tony Robbins says that just like plants, when we don't grow, we die. We need to develop physically, emotionally, intellectually, and spiritually all the time. This will make us feel alive and we’ll feel challenged to be a better version of ourselves. When I was a little, my grandfather would measure us all and mark our height on the wall. It was so joyous for everyone to see how those marks rose. Our growth is reflected in our capacity to deepen our relationships, in our school / academic progress, in our jobs, in our finances, and in our transcendent view on life.

The need for growth can be detrimental when someone’s thirst for more is so big that a he/she ends up feeling burned out. The ambition to grow might also be so excessive that a person may become oblivious of his/he everyday achievements because they’re too obsessed with a bigger goal. One of the things I’ve noticed in many of my clients is how they meet their need for growth by learning and training themselves in several fields only to find it difficult put themselves to the test in actions. They feel nothing is enough which is often related to their sense of worth.

In order to sort out the challenges mentioned above, it’s important to have a growth mindset while being able to count one’s blessing. It’s key to prioritize progression over perfection (which doesn't exist anyway). Therapies and coaches can help here by questioning limiting ideas, beliefs and behaviors that stop people living life in full.

6. Contribution

Finally, there’s the need for contribution. When we feel this need we’re moved to go beyond our ego’s demands to serve the greater good. This need manifests in giving, caring, and serving others. The secret to living is giving, says Tony Robbins, and I couldn't agree more. I’m sure you remember the day you gave a homeless person something to eat and how they thanked you with a smile that filled your soul with warmth. The ones who are parents most certainly remember the countless times they played with their kids on the floor in spite of feeling tired but with the only intention of making their kids have fun. People with empathic and compassionate traits are most likely to feel moved to give and to feel fulfilled by doing so.

The only thing that comes to mind as something negative about this need is that people may devote to a great cause at the risk of forgetting their inner circle. There might be people whose need to contribute is driven by their need for recognition. To avoid those behaviors, we need to be grounded and to align mind and heart. We also need to nourish ourselves to be able to serve others. It's a little bit like on the airplane, we must put on our mask first to be able to help others later.

Questions for you

Now that we’ve covered the six human needs, do you feel that you have met them all? Which ones do you identify the most? Are you living in a way that positively meets your needs? Are you acting from your needs or not? For example, I know some people who seek recognition at all costs and who leave their relationships aside along the way. However, when we inquire into their true needs, we discover that what they need the most is love / connection. That’s why we need to work to live in harmony with our needs.

Tell me what you’ve discovered, I’ll read you. Speaking of needs, reading you helps me grow in such a way that I want to keep updated to be able to help you.

I hope you liked this blog/podcast divided into two parts. If you know someone who needs to understand himself/herself better, forward them this post and invite them to subscribe. This is a simple way to contribute to other people’s well-being.

A big hug ❤