Hello …. How are you today?

Today's topic is the topic of my life. I’m improving but as I’ve already told you before, I’ve been a serial worrier. I’m much better, though, but still recovering. I bet this is going to resonate with many of you as well.

How much room is there for play and enjoyment in your life?

Do you consider that you take things way too seriously?

Do you think the reasons for your concerns are absolute truths?

On average, how much time do you feel stressed and how much do you feel relaxed?

We’ve just worked on this with a client. We were discussing about why it is so difficult for her to be a little "crazier", more "relaxed", more "daring", more "rebellious about what seems terrible". There is a huge difference between being responsible and being serious. What’s more, there’s something deep to heal when everything seems so important that we start living in our heads almost permanently.

You can listen to the podcast with this player, or if you prefer reading you have a written version below. Enjoy it!

Something happen and I confess that as I’m writing this, I feel it in my guts and it hurts to think about it. I visualize myself and how I've changed from the time I was a carefree child passing through all the stages until I became a formal adult, a little too thoughtful at times. We’re born free from prejudice and with our souls singing. We live our first years enjoying life because when we are children life is beautiful. However, there comes a moment when we notice that other people are looking at us. We discover life outside us and so we run to hide to avoid being discovered. We stop moving about with our young self-confidence and we stop rolling on the floor laughing. And if we put ourselves in our young selves’ shoes, the change is understandable. How can we move freely through life if we feel that other people are judging us? And just like that, we begin to fear what all humans fear - being rejected and not being loved. Little by little, we let culture tell us what we have to do and how to live. What’s the result? We disconnect from our inner selves and when that happens, stress, sadness, anxiety, and perfectionism take over us. There is light at the end of the tunnel as usual. We can recover our courage, we can recover the joy, we can learn how to live being guided by our own desires and ignoring other people’s view on us. There is only one premise - to do the necessary work on ourselves.

Taking everything too seriously

Jason Goldberg, coach and author, who has devoted himself almost exclusively to the subject of taking everything too seriously, says something about his own life that illustrates what I told you above with clarity.

“The biggest way to sabotage myself was (and still turns up from time to time) to feel like I'm not doing enough when anyone looking at me from the outside could tell I'm doing MORE than enough. What allows me to get back on track is to clarify the root of where that feeling of not enoughness comes from. The root is almost always (that is, ALWAYS) that I’m taking my thoughts VERY seriously – I’m sticking to them as the TRUTH rather than seeing them as fleeting and momentary misunderstandings. In response to anything that feels stressful, confusing, heavy, or difficult I learned to ask: How can I PLAY with this?”

Jason Goldberg

If you are a very sensitive person, it’s most likely that you find it imperative to give everything in your hands to those around you. This means giving everything and more than is expected from you at all levels - work, home, and socially. You do it because you love people, because you empathize with them, because you’re concerned about their wellbeing. Trust me, I've been there. The problem is not giving, the problem is focusing on others, or on the outside world, so much that we disconnect from our needs and even forget them.

When we feel tense complying with everything that is expected from us, there is no room to a) discover the gems that reside in us and b) to live life feeling lighter and on our own terms. Many times, in my work with my clients, I ask them to stop rationalizing so much, to leave their mental space, that’s fierce intellectual entertainment, instead, they connect with their body and pause. That's when they can tell me what they feel, need and what would nourish them.

What could we do?

We tend to offer our worthiness to school, family, society, and even social networks. Just remember how much school grades affected you. Remember how you felt when your teenage self compared to the images of models and Hollywood stars. You can probably recall a time when you were scolded loudly simply because you behaved like a child. Little by little, all that influences our perception of how deserving we are of having a good time in this life. I know what you’re telling yourself, what can we do then? Go back to your center. Begin to take out layer after layer to see where your confidence was damaged and when you put your spontaneity aside. This is deep work that requires a lot of self-compassion and patience. The good news is that we always get to see the moment in life where we abandoned our childlike spirit to let others indoctrinate us. From there, and with the right help, we must begin to implement the loving actions that can transform us and can help to play and to honor life our way.

Michael Singer, author and teacher, tells us “In the end, enjoying life's experiences is the only rational thing to do. You're sitting on a planet spinning around in the middle of absolutely nowhere. You're floating in empty space in a universe that goes on forever. If you're going to be here, be happy and enjoy the experience.”. And let me humbly add: with that free and spontaneous spirit you had when you were a child.

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A big hug ❤