Hello ….how are you today?

Today, we are going to talk about stages that come to an end and how to peacefully step into the ones that open up. We sometimes suffer when a stage of our life ends, right? From a son who has become a teenager, to a job that was lost or that you quit, to a relationship that has finished, to moving places, to somebody who’s passed away, it hurts. Period.

Today’s been a year since my mum died. In fact, this is why I was inspired to write about grieving and mourning. This is not going to be a sad blog, it’s going to be a heartfelt one. We’re going to walk through the labyrinth of transitions, those moments in life where we leave what we know to make our way into the unknown, either because we chose it or not.

You can listen to the podcast with this player, or if you prefer reading you can continue below. Enjoy it!

When a stage in our life finishes, there’s a literal or metaphorical death. Pausing and honoring what’s no longer alive takes a lot of courage. It’s very important to learn to move slowly in times of grieving. In general, we do the opposite. We feel an urge to shake off the pain. We run to help our children even though we know they don't need us so much anymore. We start looking for a new job like crazy before pausing to honor what has come to an end. We visit dating apps and hang out as if we'd never been through our separation. We keep doing and doing even if our body needs to adjust to our new landscape. We cover ourselves with occupations, food, drinks and more to forget that the people we loved are no longer with us. These are examples; of course, everyone does what they can. However, in the face of the inevitability of loss, we need to breathe deeply and be with our feelings. In the meantime, our mind, soul and body will start to reorganize without that thing or person that is no longer present in our lives.

If we don’t give proper closure to a stage, we’re going to put a band-aid on a wound and pretend that it isn’t there. Nevertheless, we’re going to move and that wound is going to itch, burn, pull, and create discomfort. Pema Chodron says there is no pain that goes away until it has taught us what we need to know. We can’t pretend that nothing has happened, we can’t deny our grief. In the end, we’d built a way of living in a way that has ended. We won’t die with what’s no longer alive, that’s important to mention. In fact, it’s necessary to preserve ourselves, and we’re going to see all the ways we can do it below, but we don’t have to be afraid of feeling low when we grieve. It seems counterproductive but instead of running away from our emotions, the wisest thing is to get closer and look at them in the eye. It’s important then to have an open heart and let our vulnerable humanity cry and / or take out all the pain that is stored in our body. Only by respecting ourselves, we can begin to weave a new life strengthened by what we learned while mourning. Imagine a child that you love who’s suffering because his/her puppy has died. What are you going to tell him/her? Stop sobbing now and start studying and playing sports? Or are you going to comfort him/her with a hug and look for words to validate and relieve his/her feelings? Exactly, you got it. We need the same. We also talk about it here: PODCAST - “Being present for someone who’s having a hard time”

The popular saying tells us that "time is a great healer" and it’s popular because it’s true. At first, we only see darkness, we feel sadness, we need to be alone, and one day, despite the pain, we start basking in the sun, we find ourselves laughing and we get together with our friends. Jorge Drexler, the singer, says in one of his songs: “Nothing is simpler, there is no other rule, nothing is lost, everything is transformed”. We aren’t going to drown after a loss, we’re going to transform. Grieving gives us the chance to have our own rebirth, we will continue to be ourselves but with better resources. Time, patience, courage, love, compassion, habits and even rituals will soothe and strengthen us. And another important thing is that there are no fixed time periods to grieve. When clients ask me how long it will take them to feel calmer again, my answer is always the same: "I don't know, it's your process and you have to respect it, I'll be by your side. What I do know is that you’ll be fine again."

What can you do?

From my experience with my mother’s loss and from working with others who are grieving, I suggest the following:

• Learn to respect yourself when you don't have the strength to go out.

• Learn to be alone but don’t isolate yourself. We’re social beings, we need our tribe.

• Delegate simple tasks like cooking or cleaning until you feel strong again.

• Get plenty of rest and take long baths.

• Talk to people who can create a safe and loving container for you and what you’re going through.

• As time passes, go for a walk or ride a bike, do something that can bring you closer to nature.

• If you have faith, praying will help you.

• Meditate.

• Avoid too much alcohol, tobacco, or food. Give yourself a treat but remember that too mucho of those increase anxiety.

• See your doctor and tell them how you feel. You might need a checkup, some vitamins, or just some time away from work.

• Seek help from a compassionate professional who can help you emotionally throughout your grief.

• Talk to others who have been through similar situations and who have overcome them. There are self-help groups for different kinds of mourning.

• When you feel more energetic, restart doing physical exercise or start one.

• Light scented candles, incense, listen to music that lifts your spirits or calms you down; make your home a beautiful refuge.

The warriors of light go through the dark night of the soul knowing that the light of a new dawn awaits them. If you’re mourning or grieving, keep in mind that you’ll be fine again. My mother, may she rest in peace, always told me in difficult moments "this too shall pass." I can still hear her raspy voice. Today I’d like to round off by thanking my mother for her hugs, her encouraging words, her tireless way of being there for others, not only for us, her family, but for her friends, neighbors, and colleagues. And I want to extend my hand to hold yours and to tell you that if you are going through a transition, you aren’t alone.

If you know someone who can benefit from this blog, forward it to them and invite them to subscribe to the blog. That way we will build bridges to help one other.

A big hug ❤