I long for this transition but I don’t dare 😱
Hi …. How are you?
This week I’d like to share with you a personal experience and invite you to shed light on the emotions that changes bring about.
You can listen to the podcast with this player, or if you prefer reading you have a written version below. Enjoy it!
Last weekend was very moving because it’s been two years since I held my children’s hands and my dog in her bag to get on a plane that would reunite us with my husband, who was waiting for us in Barcelona, Spain. What I’d like to focus on here is the transition that we had, the steps that we followed, and the feelings that we experienced. I really hope this is helpful for the people who are toying with the idea of making a transition and for those who contact me about this topic, either because they’re going through a change or because they want to embark on it but they don't dare.
The first thing that comes to mind is that it isn’t enough to flirt with the idea of change. We can daydream, we can devote a little bit of our energy here and there, but if we don’t pay attention to the internal roar that asks us to work deeply on the change, we won’t make it. It's a tiny bit like relationships - I can go out with someone and play the seduction game but if I'm not willing to let the other person in my life, to have honest talks, to have patience, to face my demons and to be flexible, the relationship won’t bear fruit.
That being said, we can be super convinced that it’s necessary to make the transition we want but our brain will most probably try to bring us back to what we know, to our comfort zone. We’re programmed to avoid discomfort at all costs. Thus, we hold on to what’s familiar to us even if what we know are discouraging messages such as "you are crazy, how are you going to change now", "it’s too late, at this age, really?", "No one will support you", "if you're fine like this, what for?", "You lack talent / ability / a degree." No matter how limiting these phrases are, when we are used to hearing them and giving them credit, it’s much more comfortable and safe for us to hide and not to embark on anything.
For us it was a challenge to stop saying to ourselves things like “how cool it’d be if…”, to start claiming our calling, rolling up our sleeves and designing the real roadmap of how we’d carry out our move. For others, it’ll be starting or ending a couple, starting or changing jobs / projects, deciding to have children, to buy a house, to start studying or change studies, among many other reasons for change. I’d like to highlight here that it’s crucial to address external issues, in our case, for example, what we were going to do for a living, where, our children's school, etc. but there’s something which is even more vital and it’s to pay attention to our inner world.
When you find yourself feeling terrified, confused, stressed, numb, overwhelmed, sad and/or angry, ask yourself “what needs my attention?” “Is it my need to have everything under control?” “Is it my tendency to be a perfectionist?” “Is it my fear of disapproval?” “Is it my low self-esteem?” That’s where you’re invited to look at. You have to shed light on those dark places and do the work on yourself. “How can I stop that behavior that prevents me from moving forward?” “How can I be more self-compassionate?” “How can I hug myself like the wisest and most loving person would?” “How can I be on my side?” “How can I stop attacking myself?”
Self-care is a permanent task, our tendency will be to move away from our center seduced by fears and insecurity. The challenge is to cast our inner anchor, like the boats that move a little from where they are but the anchor brings them back to their place. It’s also important to remember that for real changes to take place, we need to let go of both our old identity and the habits that we’d created. This is uncomfortable, it hurts, it worries and even terrifies us. That’s why, it’s necessary to pause to work on those emotions because we’ll be really shedding our skin. It’s really helpful to have someone cheering us on, someone who believes in us and encourages us to move forward.
After that comes the feeling that we have one foot in the old place and the other in the desired one. The feeling of uncertainty about what it’s to come is inevitable, it’s like jumping from a plane with a parachute and having the fear that it won’t open, it’s like being in the hall a house without knowing if we’ll feel at ease while walking about it. It’s being neither here nor there, that’s why it’s at this point that we’ll need our strong will to cross the threshold. The words that come to mind here are strength, determination, and confidence. And since our legs will be shaking at that moment, it’s key to surrender to something greater than ourselves, to the Universe, to God, to the Love of our partner, children or friends, everyone will find what resonates more with them.
I still remember the strong emotions galloping inside me when my children and I fastened our seatbelts on the plane, my children were full of faith in my husband and me, I felt so much responsibility towards them. I had mixed feelings. On the one hand, I felt the relief of actually crossing the threshold and on the other, I had some concerns about what awaited for us when we got off the plane. The solution was to have faith and know that everything is possible with creativity and flexibility. What I can truly tell you is that when we all met in our new home, our souls lit up with gratitude for having made it. We also experienced a calm kind of curiosity for all the possibilities to grow and reinvent ourselves ahead of us. It’s been a process of complete positive transformation and a true blessing.
A big hug ❤