Tell me who you are and I’ll tell you what your needs are (part 1)
Hello ….how are you today?
A few weeks ago, I told you briefly about the six human needs that I learned from my coaching mentor Tony Robbins. He concluded that regardless of our origin and culture, we all have 6 needs in common.
The topic is both simple and profound, that’s why I’d rather talk about it over the course of two weeks. Today I’m going to describe and illustrate the first three:
Certainty
Variety
Recognition
You can listen to the podcast with this player, or if you prefer reading you have a written version below. Enjoy it!
These 6 needs are not just desires or wants, but deep needs that serve us the foundation for every choice we make. While we all need:
Certainty
Variety
Recognition
Love and Connection
Growth
Contribution
… being clear about what needs are the most important for us will give us clarity to understand:
Our beliefs.
Our internal motivations.
Our behaviors.
Other people’s behavior.
Whether we’re being congruent with who we are.
How to self-regulate.
Each need has benefits when we tend to it healthily but it also has negative repercussions if it is taken to an extreme. I’ll share my point of view on the first three needs below. Remember I’ll round off with the last three needs next week.
1. Certainty
The first is our need for certainty. This is related to moving in environments where we feel safe, to routines, to predictability, to planning and to order. If this need is taken to an extreme, several things may happen. For example, you may feel overwhelmed at the slightest loss of control in what you do or you may feel insecure when leaving your comfort zone to take up new projects and studies.
To prevent the above and foster our evolution, we can challenge ourselves by taking baby steps forward and leaving our comfort zone little by little. We can join or create spaces where we know we’ll feel good and cared for.
2. Variety
The second is our need for variety. This is related to our appetite for challenges, for adrenaline, for speed, for having butterflies in the belly. People who are driven by this need are known by their extroversion. They enjoy meeting new people and taking up unknown experiences.
Taken to an extreme, they may end up leaving things unfinished, or they may quickly feel bored at work or their studies, and even in their relationships. The need for variety may be such that people might need to change careers, courses, and partners before they’re ripe.
A healthy way to seek variety in our lives is to find what we are passionate about, practice it with dedication, and seek to grow in that endeavor. If you like writing, for example, you may enroll in a writing workshop, feed your passion, train yourself and set out to write your stories or book.
3. Recognition
The third is our need for recognition. We all need this, we all want to be seen, valued, and even needed for what we our worth. Sometimes we meet our need for recognition by setting high goals in our jobs or studies because fulfilling them raises our self-esteem while we’re recognized by others. We might even get involved in an NGO or association where we feel nurtured by other people’s appreciation.
The problem with taking this need to an extreme is that our self-worth might decline if we’re too focused on other people’s recognition. If our worth is going to depend on the outside world, we might end up disconnecting from whom we really are and what we really want. If external recognition is the only way we’re going to feel worthy, we may seek to please others obsessively and even emotionally blackmail them. I’m sure you’ve heard something like "I give you everything but you are unable to see it" or "nobody values me in this house".
To avoid falling into the negative side of this core need, we can volunteer to work where we are most needed. We can also choose to be a positive and inspiring influence in our day to day life, jobs, and studies. What do I mean by this? Let’s imagine that you want to start leading teams at work. That's great, so go ahead and do it with humility, tolerance, respect, and curiosity for the rest of your teammates.
So far we have covered the first 3 human needs
As I mentioned at the beginning, understanding our needs will help us understand our behavior and what lies behind it. Being aware of our strongest needs can inform our lives to live better.
I hope you enjoyed this first part. If you know someone who could benefit from learning about their deepest needs, forward this post to them and invite them to subscribe to the blog. This way, we can build bridges to help one other.
Remember that you can also find us on Spotify and Apple Podcasts as Georgina Hudson Transformational Coach.
A big hug ❤