Fitting in or belonging?
This subject is so pervasive throughout our lives, especially during late childhood and adolescence. I was going to a doctor’s office with my son and he was spinning in the air as if he were a professional dancer (not because of the perfection but the feeling he exuded). He didn’t do it on purpose, he wasn’t trying to impress anyone, he was just joyful, he was the freest child in the world.
I’ve always admired his confidence to do whatever he pleases and he certainly makes me laugh a lot. Nevertheless, I must confess that when he was younger, I was afraid that he would be misjudged or left alone because of his eccentricity. It’s incredible how we tend to project onto our children the stories that we lived as a child. When I was young, I was always a good girl, I adapted and that’s why, I fitted in groups. I wasn’t one of the popular girls but I was accepted. I was keenly aware of the fact that any false step could leave me out of the group, in the end, that was exactly what happened to others who were as eccentric as I was in my soul. Luckily, the long work on myself helped me to show myself as I am.
My daughter is different from my son or me. When she was born, she observed everyone, she was attentive. Honestly, she seemed to be a character out of a García Márquez novel. I remember the obstetrician noticing that trait. Nothing ever escapes her attention. She is both free spirited and a warrior. She knows how to defend her point of view respectfully and assertively. She doesn't care about fitting in if that means negotiating who she is. She belongs to where she is loved and accepted for who she is and the best part is that she’s met other souls like her.
The wonderful Brene Brown says “Fitting in is about assessing a situation and becoming who you need to be to be accepted. Belonging, on the other hand, doesn’t require us to change who we are; it requires us to be who we are”. True belonging only happens when we present our authentic and imperfect being to the world, it requires a high level of self-acceptance. Hopefully, as parents we’ll encourage our children to honor their essence and we’ll stop projecting our stories and traumas onto their independent spirits ❤️