Generalized apathy and boredom
Hello ….how are you today?
This blog has been inspired by a person who wants to change his present situation and undertake a new career path but who feels stuck. He shared with me that he feels a little apathetic and even bored with his life as it is.
These emotions have a very bad reputation, and on top of that, they scare those who are experiencing them. I can totally get the feeling because I was there too.
I’d like to draw a distinction between feeling deflated occasionally and feeling that way chronically or for a long period of time. We’re going to analyze this from both angles and as usual, we’re going to unmask what’s hidden under those emotions.
You can listen to the podcast with this player, or if you prefer reading you have a written version below. Enjoy it!
Do you remember when you were kids and suddenly found yourselves with nothing to do? Can't you hear yourselves complaining to your parents "muuuuum, daaaad ... I'm bored"? I’m laughing because when we were little I was very calm and my brother was very active. I still remember my exasperated brother shouting, "Mom, I'm bored, make me a sandwich, give me something, please." For my brother feeling bored was unbearable and since he didn't know how to manage that, he covered it up by eating. Let me ask you now, when you feel bored or apathetic, don't you seek distraction in unhealthy ways as well? You probably start eating, drinking, surfing social media incessantly, buying unnecessary items and even getting distracted with “other people”.
I’d like to highlight here that there’s nothing to be ashamed if one feels deflated and behaves in ways that aren’t that positive. That’s life breathing through ones pores. We’ve all experienced that. The invitation is to walk the middle road and to soothe ourselves by saying "today I’m feeling like this / I’m going through this momentarily / there’s nothing to fix and nothing to worry about." The problem is that when we assume we’re broken because we realize that we’ve been feeling apathetic, bored and/or stuck, the tendency is to move between two extremes. One is refusing those feelings and the other is to give in to those emotions. And that’s exactly where the mess starts because both rejection and getting hooked on those emotions can lead us to cover up those feelings in ways that aren’t beneficial to us.
Pema Chodron tells us that the conscious path starts when we move towards the places that scare us. We need to look at what’s hurting us in the eyes and learn to relate to that from a place of full awareness and not victimhood. When we learn to develop a presence that observes non-judgmentally the impatience we feel in our moments of apathy and boredom and when we start noticing how badly we treat ourselves by saying things like "something is wrong with you", "it’s crazy to feel like this", "you aren’t enough", "run away", "make this disappear", etc. we are able to wake up from the trance. It’s in that place that one realizes that there’s a lot of space to work on oneself and to find out what lies behind so much discomfort. The questions that we can ask ourselves from that lucid place are “What does this mean to me? What am I avoiding? What needs to be revealed?
As I said at the beginning, sometimes boredom and apathy are fleeting emotions. We’re so used to going from here to there, to doing, and to achieving, that when we stop, we feel strange. Have you ever seen someone who’s usually very busy and who gets bored when he/she goes on vacation? Yet the juiciest alchemy happens when we’re relaxed, quiet, and comfortable with ourselves. Dr. Lissa Rankin says, “Whenever I look for stimulation outside of myself, I’m disappointed. However, I’ve noticed that when I can focus on the present and approach my life from a place of gratitude, my way of thinking changes from a feeling of lack to one of generosity, and when I see my life as abundant, I no longer get bored”. To live gratefully, we need to pause, to live in the here and now, we need to slow down, to create, we must be able to endure the moments of inaction that precede creation.
The situation is different for people who are apathetic and even bored because they don’t dare to take the risks necessary to meet their goals. That happened to me and I can remember it vividly. I had a job where I was valued and where I was doing well but I was bored. I lived in a place with lots of green spaces that were ideal for outdoor activities, but I couldn’t care less. My husband and I, like all couples, have gone through many stages, but in that particular one, I felt apathetic and I didn’t do much for our relationship. Judging from the outside, I couldn’t be bothered to do anything. Nevertheless, digging a little bit more, I was avoiding to take my apathy by its horns and to face the challenges that my innermost being was asking me to do from my guts.
I’m sharing my experience here to see if it resonates with you. How many times do we know what we have to do but we give our power to fear? We doubt our ability so much that we hide in what seems to be apathy, boredom, and inaction. It’s tough to admit but if we really believed in ourselves, nothing would stop us from moving in the direction of our goals. That’s where we have to work, that’s where we have to remove layer after layer to get to the root cause that prevents us from honoring life. Is it easy? Of course, not. Is it worth it? Yes, absolutely. Is it possible? Totally. There are people who realize that they have options without external help. They shake themselves up and take the leap of faith that requires them to be more proactive. Other times, people need the help of a professional who can clearly guide them and help them discern. The important thing here is to realize that many times what simply seems generalized apathy is our way of avoiding what requires to be modified. What’s more, sometimes it’s a way to bypass setting boundaries for ourselves just like a loving parent would “come on, get up, and do what you have to do my love".
Temporary boredom can be the key to finding our essential nature. Chronic boredom and apathy are invitations to work on ourselves to see what lies behind - what fears, what insecurities, what anger, what anxiety. To round off, I’d like to encourage you to do something that you believe in with your soul. It will probably scare you because the ego will try to convince you that it isn’t worth it or that you don’t have what it takes, but keep in mind that your ego isn’t interested in your displaying your potential. There’s no room for boredom when you get involved in what’s truly beautiful to you so, claim your worth. If you can't do it alone, ask for help, you deserve it. There’s a quote by Saul Bellow in "The Adventures of Augie March" that I love and move me to the core. I’m sure you’ll adore it too “Boredom is the conviction that you can't change ... the shriek of unused capacities.”
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A big hug ❤