My body and me (Part 3)
Hello …. How are you today?
I’m smiling while I’m writing this, because I never imagined when I wrote the first "my body and me" that it was going to have such a positive impact. The relationship with our own body is a vast subject: from self-rejection to completely forgetting it to how it impacts on different areas of our life, including our sexuality.
If I won’t refer to this issue from a genital point of view, or orgasms, or techniques, or results… then what is this about?
You can listen to the podcast with this player, or if you prefer reading you have a written version below. Enjoy it!
The internalized repulsion of our own body (or parts of it) prevents us from having a healthy and fulfilling sexual experience. Returning to our body with care, empathy and love is the key that will help us rekindle the flame in this regard. Mind you, I won’t refer to this issue from a genital point of view, or orgasms, or techniques, or results, no, not at all, the focus is on celebrating our body just as it is. I’m extending you an invitation to embrace it in all its colors, to be able to look at it from a perspective that allows us to experiment with what it is and to discover the infinite potential of what it could be if we only learned to live gratefully in and with our own body.
Every week, I hear so many stories of suffering because clients tell me that their bodies embarrass them, that they feel anxious, insecure and afraid of rejection. So many sensitive souls prefer to deprive themselves of a sincere and healthy sexual relationship for "fear of being discovered." "If I leave and avoid him / her, (s)he will think I'm as perfect as (s)he sees me and then I'll be safe". Yet, the last thing the other person wants is a perfect being (who, by the way, doesn’t exist), what that person wants is a common union, loving, endearing and beautiful. Do you remember when you were young and felt free, safe, and happy in your own body? This is where you have to return. To free ourselves and love our body sexually, we must first shed all the pressures that keep us hidden; we must regain happiness in our sensory experience.
That is why we have to work so hard on our relationship with our body. You have to take out layer after layer to find out when we gave our power to those who hurt us, and / or belittled us. We need to shed light on the root cause that affects this issue, and call things by their name in order to heal. Sometimes the fear of bodily rejection is seen in family generations that pushed themselves to fit into a cultural mold, other times people twisted to please others in a certain social context, not to mention the generalized taboo that has been historically associated with connecting to our body sexually. However, with compassion and mindfulness we can awaken from the conditioning, and acquired messages, and we can develop an open, relaxed, tender, and pleasant presence.
Last week we talked about how much we inhabit our minds and how much we forget our bodies. Imagine the room that’s left for healthy sexuality when we’re stressed, busy, and tired all the time. When sexual relaxation asks us to simply be present, connected to the here and now, with our senses wide open, with no other goal but being, our habits keep us doing the opposite. How? Tormenting ourselves with the past and the future, killing ourselves working, worrying, and overwhelming ourselves so much that our body feels like a tight fist. What can we do? Pause daily, that way we can give ourselves a few minutes to return to our body. If we don't have a few minutes to pause then we must question how we’re living this life.
Our infinite mental activity will always be perceived at bodily level, but to get in touch with those sensations we need to get off the hamster wheel of doing. We can experience headaches, a tightness in our chest, muscle pain, digestive issues, among others. We can ask ourselves "what does this mean to me?" "Do I want to live like this?" "What would be the middle way?" This last question brings a lot of relaxation to my ultra-busy clients because it offers them an alternative between being plugged in, thinking, and scheming all the time, and having to drop everything and go on vacation, which isn’t very sustainable in the long run.
So much mental occupation also pushes us to do everything quickly. We are always rushing, our to do lists are endless, we eat fast, we talk fast, we send and get instant messages, and sexuality doesn’t have to take up a lot of our time because we need to keep doing and producing. The challenge is exactly that because there is no sexual joy when we’re in a hurry. Sexuality is an exploratory process of dedication, awareness, calm, and connection with our bodies and our emotions. You don't have to get anywhere, you just have to be present with your eyes and your heart wide open. There’s no room for impatience or diligence in that sacred place.
I fully understand that a story of bodily self-repulsion and mind-body disconnection can’t be solved overnight. This blog / podcast is an invitation to wake up from the trance, to notice when we are trapped in our harmful habits and how they affect other areas of our life such as our sexuality. This conversation has just started but becoming aware is the first step to healing. The rest has a lot to do with cultivating the return to our body. If you’re very active, sweat - dance, run, ride a bike, climb a mountain and move a lot. If you recharge your batteries by being calm, write, meditate, contemplate and walk. Remember, whatever you do, celebrate your body, and be grateful to it. Finally, as I always say, if you need help, ask for it, you deserve it.
If you know someone who might be interested in this topic, please forward the podcast / blog to them, thank you!
A big hug ❤