Reparenting (or Parenting oneself)
September in the Northern Hemisphere is a kick-off month after the summer break. So much external stimuli triggers all kinds of strong emotions for children and adults alike.
Unfortunately, we didn’t receive a map to manage these feelings at school and in our homes . Our parents may have had the best intentions for us at heart and yet, they may have failed to find a way to help us soothe our inner world.
Think back to when you were a kid:
Did someone teach you how to respond to stressful situations?
Did you know that the lack of tools to deal with stress as a child might be affecting you today as an adult?
“...talking to oneself as the most loving and compassionate father or mother would.”
When I was very little, my emotions felt too big to bear. I remember not knowing what to do with those feelings. I grew up being told "ok, that's enough, don't cry", "don't pay so much attention to that, it’s a tiny thing", "well, don't say anything, don’t get into trouble", "there are worse things, come on, chin up and smile", "be good, put yourself in his/her shoes, you have to understand".
Psychologist Sheryl Paul explains how important the process of "reparenting" is. It involves talking to oneself as the most loving and compassionate father or mother would. She uses the father and mother archetypes.
Kristin Neff, a pioneer in self-compassion research suggests something similar, treating ourselves the way we would treat someone we care about and are moved to help.
Both are similar processes and pillars on the path of self-healing. When we access our loving inner voice, we can take care of our emotional world with tenderness and we can respond to our thoughts with discernment. What’s more, we can find the peace inside that offers us a sacred pause to respond to what happens to us with greater wisdom.
The next time you find yourself beating yourself up, you can try asking yourself, "What would the wisest and most loving person I know tell me?" "What would I say to someone I really love in this situation?" As a bonus, this is a very simple tool we can teach our children. Having tried with mine, I guarantee it really works.
A big hug ❤