Lighten up your backpack (part 2)
Hello ….how are you today?
We started talking about this topic last week in the first part of this podcast when we focused on priorities and boundaries.
Today we’re going to expand on how our beliefs and our identity influence our quality of life.
You can listen to the podcast with this player, or if you prefer reading you have a written version below. Enjoy it!
Last week I outlined how priorities and boundaries are linked. Beliefs and identity are too.
Questioning our beliefs
“When you challenge your beliefs, you can wake up from the trance and see more clearly”
When you think you are tired, stressed, etc. because you give 150% of yourself to everything just because that's who you are, you're adopting a belief. This belief sounds something like this, “if I kill myself to help everything go well, I’ll have everything under control and I’ll be successful. The price I have to pay is being tired/a little sleepless/etc.” or "I do everything myself because I’m the only one who knows how to do things well. If I delegate tasks, it's more work for me because I have to teach others how to do things or because if they mess up, I end up fixing everything myself". That's why, it's important to ask for help and have someone to guide you so you can question your beliefs. When you challenge your beliefs, you can wake up from the trance and see more clearly. When you catch yourself holding on to those beliefs, ask yourself one simple question: “Really? Is this really true?"
An example
When my first child was born, I had a job that I liked and I was hired a lot to do it. I remember timing my life to a ridiculous extreme. I organized like this: “from 8 to 3, I’m going to work, I’m nursing the baby as soon as I get back. We’re playing together up to 5. From 5 to 6:30, I’m getting ready for tomorrow’s work, in the slot from 6:30 to 7:30, I’m studying for my post-graduate. From 7:30 to 9, I’m catching up and cooking with L, we’re going to bed at 10:30”. I didn't have a single free minute for myself. I was convinced that to do my job well I had to orchestrate everything down to the minutest detail. I couldn't stand it when something didn't go well because my dedication was unlimited. My belief was that if I applied to a tee, nothing would fail. The same was true for my relationship for my son, I did everything that the magazines for new mothers told me to do. That way, I made sure that he was healthy, cared for and calm. If something with him didn’t go as expected, I panicked and punished myself mercilessly. The problem is that life is not polished and we don’t get guidance for life in a manual. We can study, get trained, and sweat over our tasks but we’re still going to have surprises. After a long time, and with the help of several therapists and coaches, I began to question my limiting beliefs. My view on life became more flexible, I started to dedicate time to myself and to practice Mindfulness, I learned how to prioritize and how to say no when I couldn't add more responsibilities to what I already had (this was tough for me!).
Beliefs & Identity
The issue of beliefs is intimately linked to your identity. If in stressful situations, you tend to fight to feel safe, when you stop fighting, you will feel in danger. If you always run like a hamster on the wheel and one day you decide to stop, delegate, or redistribute tasks, you will feel strange and uncomfortable because your identity is associated with doing it all. Tony Robbins says that our identity is the factor that most influences our actions. We’re going to behave according to the idea we have of ourselves, regardless of whether this is true or not.
If you believe that you are a tireless worker, you will act accordingly. If you think you are the only person who does things correctly, you won’t be able to delegate. If you believe that you are a busy person because you have a strong sense of responsibility, you’ll live a heavy life.
Try asking yourself who am I really? Am I a machine that can't stop? Am I a tireless gladiator? Do I want that? Do I need that? What motivates me? Believe me, when you can see yourself for who you really are, you become capable of tearing down the old identity that you carried in your backpack and you begin to experience great freedom.
“Tear down the old identity that you carried in your backpack and you’ll experience great freedom.”
Priorities, Boundaries, Beliefs, Identity
Little by little, start designing your days with intention. We have to unlearn our old habits and behaviours to learn those that are consistent with our true nature and with our real desires. We are simply little human beings living our existence. We don’t have to carry a heavy backpack on our shoulders. We can always lighten it up. Take a deep breath and try to integrate what we talked about, separate the important from the urgent, dare to set boundaries, question your limiting beliefs, and adopt an identity that aligns with who you really are.
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A big hug ❤