Mixed feelings during the Holidays, what can we do?
Hello ….how are you today?
As we grow older, we become more sensitive to the fact that with each Christmas and New Year’s Eve there is a stage that closes and a completely unknown one that will open up. This podcast is dedicated to all the people who get to the holidays with a mix of excitement and despair.
You can listen to the podcast with this player, or if you prefer reading you have a written version below. Enjoy it!
Holidays and Children
When I was a child, there was great expectation about the holidays at home. My mother's family was small but very cheerful and my father's was our chance to get together with all my cousins who were more or less my age. I looked forward to December’s celebrations. I vividly remember the beautifully decorated tables, the joyous atmosphere, and the gifts under the tree. However, when I found out the truth about Santa, a light turned off inside me. The transition from the innocent child I was to my pre-teen self (or maybe a bit earlier, I don't remember exactly) made me feel like the magic was lost. I even felt uncomfortable receiving gifts just because it was Christmas. I continued to like the big gatherings with family and friends, of course, but I couldn’t experience the same enthusiasm as before. The above could be one of the reasons why many of us have mixed feelings.
Holidays and Adults
Added to this, as we grow older, we become more sensitive to the fact that with each Christmas and New Year’s Eve there is a stage that closes and a completely unknown one that will open up. We may unconsciously feel some distress at having to say goodbye to the year that is ending. Feeling all kinds of mixed emotions is inevitable when we are on the threshold of something new and uncertain. We may feel hopeful for the coming year and at the same time restless for not knowing what awaits us. We may feel a little sad because time goes by too fast. If you have children, for example, you may feel some sadness because they seem to grow faster with each passing year. In turn, you may experience joy at seeing them growing older and closer to you. If you are a highly sensitive person, it is likely that with the beginning of the winter solstice, with less daylight and longer nights, you will experience some yearning for the longer days. Nevertheless, you might also cherish wintery hot food and drinks and the need to go to bed earlier. In that sense, December makes me feel excited about walking up and down the Christmassy decorated streets but I also feel the need to return home earlier. For those who have the summer solstice in the southern hemisphere, you may feel certain emotions and their exact opposites at the same time. It is normal for this wide array of emotions to generate some restlessness in us. The most important thing is to recognize, accept, and normalize what is happening to us calmly.
Holidays and Consumerism
“None of these examples is pointing to anything wrong with you. ”
The Holidays also push us to consume and buy and to feel happy 100% of the time. This can bring about excitement and stress at the same time. The other day a client shared with me that he never feels the joy other people seem to feel during the Holidays. He’s not the Grinch. He goes to the gatherings and buys gifts for his children but the Holidays aren’t relevant to him. He told me all this with what felt like a bit of shame as if something was wrong with him. I obviously understood him because this time of the years puts so much pressure on us. Jung said, "what you resist, persists." The idea is not to fight what we feel but to flow with it. We notice what happens to us internally; we calmly nurture our needs, and we are as authentic as we can be. Instead of forcing ourselves to smile in a Hallmark card fashion; we can open our hearts to experience the full range of emotions that arises during this time. If you long for the days when you were little and the holidays were magical, embrace that feeling. If you miss someone who is no longer here, let your soul honor that feeling. If you see that everything around you screams, "be happy, Christmas has arrived" but you can't feel that way, relax and remember that we are complex beings. Some will feel cheerful and festive while others will feel more minimalistic. If you don't want big gatherings and you want to spend it with your inner circle, dare to do it. None of these examples is pointing to anything wrong with you. The paradox of liminal moments is like this and only our capacity for discernment will help us to realize it.
Holidays and Questions
The way out is always in. I hope that the holidays are a gateway to observe ourselves with curiosity. What needs my attention and care? What do I have to let go of? What does this emotion mean to me? What new rituals can I adopt? What can I be grateful for? What are the reasons that make my heart feel warm?
In her song "Gracias a la Vida", Violeta Parra reminds us of how all emotions enrich our vital experience. I’ll try to translate a little bit here:
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"Thanks to life because it has given me so much
It has given me laughter and it has given me tears
That's how I distinguish joy from grief
The two materials that make up my song
And your song, which is the same song
And the song of all that is my own song”
“Gracias a la Vida” - Violeta Parra
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I hope you can experience the Holidays on your own terms, respecting yourself, letting your emotions move through you like the waves in the sea and remembering that there is always a calm ocean below. I wish you peace of mind and an open heart. Remember that between stimulus and response there is space. It is in that space or interlude that you will listen to what your soul is whispering to you. You may have thousands of external demands but do not rush to react. Pause and dialogue with your wiser self. From that place respond mindfully later.
A big hug ❤