Resilience and emotional regulation in difficult times
Hello ….how are you today?
This week's topic is dedicated to all the people who feel vulnerable with the state of the world and with their personal, family and professional challenges.
Every day we witness situations that put our resilience to the test. Therefore, we are called to be more aware of our emotional state and to learn how to regulate it. You’re probably wondering what resilience and emotional regulation are. In simple terms, I’d say that ... you should listen to this podcast! 😀
You can listen to the podcast with this player, or if you prefer reading you have a written version below. Enjoy it!
“Resilience goes hand in hand with emotional regulation.”
You’re probably wondering what resilience and emotional regulation are. In simple terms, I’d say that resilience is our ability to overcome adversity and to move forward with more wisdom. As I mentioned in the title, resilience goes hand in hand with emotional regulation. The latter involves discerning how to reduce complicated emotions and how to amplify those that bring us well-being. Nobody says that resilience or emotional regulation are easy, but both can surely be trained.
In my work with my clients, the first thing I ask them to do is to bring to mind the situation that is upsetting them. I ask them to pay attention to what they’re feeling and to accept it without resisting it. This is very important assess what is happening more accurately. One of my clients told me that her boss treated her badly because she handed in a report in a way that wasn’t appropriate for her level. She felt stressed and overwhelmed. I asked her to tell me what she was feeling at that moment and to forget about the future for a minute. She admitted that she felt very sad and insecure. I later invited her to put both hands on her chest and to sense what would reduce her emotional pain. She told me that she needed to ask for help, that she hadn't done so for fear of not looking smart, that she needed to come clean, and to find someone to help her.
EMOTIONAL Regulation in 5 steps
Those simple steps that I just shared with you are the first ones to start regulating ourselves:
Observation of the difficult situation.
Acceptance of emotional reactions.
Compassionate access to what is happening in the present.
Contact with what would soothe the situation.
Assessment of how to mitigate the situation in practical terms.
This work allows us to be in the here and now because when our heads are lost in the future, worry and anxiety will most likely follow. It isn’t an easy task but it is crucial. The therapeutic work will then go much deeper and in a multidimensional way, as it will promote emotional, physical, mental, and spiritual well-being, but this self-regulation exercise will help us get out of the place where we are initially stuck. Imagine that you are driving your car on a rainy day on a rural road and your car gets stranded in a pothole. What are you going to do first? You’re going to move your car out of the hole, right? You will then do all the necessary inspections to make sure your car is working properly. Emotional regulation is the same.
Resilience
The greater our ability to return to our center in challenging situations, the greater our resilience to cope with them as well. This will favor an attitude that is optimistic, daring and courageous. Resilient people have the ability to understand that nothing lasts a hundred years. No matter what challenge they have to face, they know, it will be temporary. A resilient mindset is flexible, calm, and decisive. This doesn’t imply you need to get in your zen mode all the time. On the contrary, this is an invitation to recognize your initial anger, frustration, or sadness and later, find the inner peace to turn around what is going on. An important tool that I learned in my neuroscience geared to wellbeing course is to savor and internalize the good times. Unfortunately, our minds are like Teflon for the good things and Velcro for the bad ones. When you need to draw on your inner strengths, remembering all the times you came out on the other side will be essential.
The next time life hits you and you manage to find a way to lift your head and smile, enjoy it and celebrate yourself. The storm will knock on your door again but you will know that you’re equipped to face it.
A big hug ❤