3 ways to soothe our soul during hectic times

Hello …. How are you today?

I’m dedicating this post to all the people who reached out to me to tell me how restless they feel during hectic times and how difficult it is for them to self-soothe.

In the northern hemisphere, September is the month children re-start school and parents return to their work after the summer break. The great number of external demands naturally triggers all kinds of strong emotions for kids and adults alike.

How do you feel when your busy-ness levels rise significantly? 🤯

You can listen to the podcast with this player, or if you prefer reading you have a written version below. Enjoy it!

Unfortunately, neither our academic education nor our homes offered us a roadmap to manage big feelings such as overwhelm, anxiety, sadness about what has ended and fear of what is yet to come. Even the most well-intentioned parents or caregivers might have failed to find a way to help us deal with our sometimes challenging inner world. As a result, we may have felt alone and lost in the face of new cycles or when external stimuli became too challenging to handle.

Visualize yourself as a kid and try to answer the following questions:

• Did someone teach you how to respond to stressful situations?

• Did you know that the lack of tools to deal with childhood stress might be affecting you today as an adult?

Transitions

Transitions from one phase to another, and by this I mean both restarting cycles and taking on more responsibility, require energy, conviction, discernment, and action. We need to have a clear vision of the stage that is about to begin and for this to materialize and be sustained over time, we need to take firm baby steps. Unfortunately, when we don’t respect our natural timing and end up running from here to there madly, we might end up feeling exhausted and burned out (even as soon as we start!). We need to design our actions consciously one day at a time. The juice lies in the balance between doing and resting, between taking things seriously and laughing a little about everything.

The teaching of a mother and her baby

There is a very wise teaching by Zen Master Thich Nhat Hanh that can help you when you feel overwhelmed. Think of a mother who is in the kitchen and who hears that her baby is crying. What do you think she does? She drops everything and runs to comfort her child. When the mother hugs her baby, her energy calms him/her down. The idea is to do the same with ourselves:

1. Pause like the mother who heard her baby cry.
   There is a space of wisdom that is found only when we pause between one activity and the other. Our busy adult selves make us more impulsive. Meditation, contemplation, breathe in and out with faith, a cup of tea or coffee by yourself, savoring every sip, everything will help to reconnect with yourself.

2. Take care of your deepest needs and desires as the mother did with her baby.
   Personally, I need some time alone every day during busy times. What works best for me is mindfulness meditation. You might balance your chores and duties with dancing, exercising, or practicing your hobby.

3. Soothe yourself like the mother’s energy did to her baby.
   Let’s start to treat ourselves with kindness, patience and love. We tend to be so harsh and ruthless with ourselves. When we take our side, our life changes remarkably for the better.

Reparenting

“What would the wisest and most loving parent in the world say to me?”

In psychology, there’s a process called "reparenting". This invites us to treat ourselves as the most loving and compassionate father or a mother would. Remember that you can always offer yourself the love and the care that you would have liked to receive. This is not about blaming our parents or caregivers but about having an understanding of what they could do with the resources they had and being able to start re-raising or reparenting ourselves by treating ourselves with the greatest possible kindness.

Unconditional friendliness towards ourselves is a healing path we can access by developing a gentle inner voice that can lovingly tend to our emotional world. In addition, we can learn to respond to our thoughts with discernment and peace of mind. This process will help us calm down until we find the inner quiet to respond to what happens to us with greater wisdom.

The next time you find yourself feeling overwhelmed by everything you have to do, ask yourself, “what would the wisest and most loving parent in the world say to me?”, “what would I say to a friend I love if they were in my situation?” When we learn to soothe ourselves, a big space within us begins to open. There we will find the most sensible answers to our most urgent questions. In addition, remember to do your best, let go, and trust the Universe.

I would like to round off by sharing with you the serenity prayer:

"Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference (between what I can and cannot change)."

A big hug ❤

Thank you!