A very personal reflection: How do I let go of control?
Listening to others, it becomes so much easier to see and point out that the control they want to have over (almost) everything is as if they were making a fist with their brains. Consequently, the nervous system is filled with stress and it’s more difficult to just be present.
Every day we witness situations that are beyond our control - the passing of time, illness, losing loved ones, others’ reactions, etc. I stop for a moment to think about the importance of pausing, surrendering and trusting. Quite a challenge, right?.
Lately, I’ve discovered a challenging health situation that I refused to pay attention to in order to continue working, and wait! the list doesn’t stop there, and in order to continue supporting my children, to continue caring for our home , in short, to "continue having everything under control". As it turned out, my health worsened a bit more. My body stopped me. I asked myself so many questions after that. How do I feel? Exhausted, scattered.
“How does wanting to be in control manifest in me? Worrying, obsessing...”
How does wanting to be in control manifest in me? Worrying, obsessing, planning, thinking incessantly. Suddenly the truth hits me and I see how the controller in me takes me away from the here and now. It takes me to imaginary future scenarios, it startles me. What’s the cost of leaving my life behind in this “doing” machine? How much am I going to sacrifice to avoid being criticised? What’s wrong with things not going the way I wanted them to? Quite on the contrary, life may surprise me for the better!
This is just a very humble reflection of how important it is to do what we can and then let go. We need to slow down and even to stop for a while to respond to what happens to us from a wiser and more compassionate place. As the great teacher Tara Brach says “you need to let go of the controls. In doing so, you might discover that each time you let go, it becomes easier and easier to re-enter the atmosphere of your own aliveness. Gradually you’ll come home to the flow of your own living presence, the warmth and space of your awakening heart ”.
Culture, family and genetics have conditioned us to be on the alert and to work as much as we can to survive. Times have changed though, there aren’t any tigers round the corner that can eat us. Control is rigid while flexibility makes life more beautiful and more relaxed, and it offers us a better life in the present moment.